I joked after a painful breakup that I would just buy a loyal man. And that I did. I picked a lovable, loyal little man who weighed about a pound. I bought him a carrier from the pet store, but when I went to take him home in it he seemed scared. Instead, he rode home nuzzled in my shoulder. He and I were inseparable unless I was at work. That was December 2002. I often say that he sort of saved me during a low point in my life. He made me happy, gave me someone to care for, and someone to look forward to seeing at the end of the day.
 |
| Excuse the double chin appearance and the ugly shirt |
Peanut (named because he was such a little Peanut) came home with me every time I went to visit, he accompanied me on trips, and in the instance he couldn't come only my mom was allowed to take care of him. Years later, when Jason was in residency, we attended a conference for a week in Arizona. We DROVE to Georgia in order to drop off the dog then flew out of Atlanta because we couldn't stand the thought of leaving him at a kennel for a week. We were serious, y'all.
Jason joked that Peanut wasn't a "real dog" when he first got introduced to him. My loyal dog turned out to be somewhat of a traitor because he fell in love with Jason just as much as I did. Peanut accompanied us to New Orleans, to Kansas for my brother's wedding, to Oklahoma for Christmas. He was quite a well-traveled little dog. And although he never met a stranger, he put on his "big dog" bark when a stranger came to the door. He used to be a pillow hog. At some point, he claimed the end of the bed, and in recent months we had to make him sleep in our bathroom in his carrier (he loved that thing) with the carrier door open because he had trouble holding his bladder all night in the bed. I made Jason leave the hospital while I was in labor with Jake in order to go home to check on Peanut. He greeted all three babies when we got home from the hospital.
 |
| Jake |
 |
| Connor |
 |
| Tucker |
Here are some pics of the "good ole days."
 |
| One of his favorite places to be |
 |
| During a trip to the Petrified Forest in Mississippi |
 |
| Christmas 2009 |
 |
| Told you it was one of his favorite places |
 |
| Always eager to be a taste tester |
 |
| Uh, no I'm not stealing the baby's Boppy... |
 |
| His favorite place plus one |
 |
| Christmas card 2011 |
 |
| Christmas 2011 |
 |
| Christmas in Oklahoma 2010 |
 |
| Peanut and his Piggy |
 |
| He used to sit on the couch like this all the time. It always cracked me up.
|
In the past few years, his little heart had begun to fail. He coughed - a lot. We started him on diuretics, and then more diuretics, and then added other heart medications. All in all, he took 10-12 pills each day. Then in the past few days, he wasn't doing well at all. He coughed more, and it was a horrible cough that lasted and lasted. He didn't come in the bathroom when I gave the boys a bath the other night. I knew he was really sick then. He always comes in the bathroom. Lucy, the Siamese who usually stays away during bedtime, joined us instead. I am convinced she knew something was up with The Nut. I snuggled with him after I put the boys to bed and cried because I knew in my heart that our time together was close to the end. I had prayed that we wouldn't be put in a position to make the decision, but yesterday morning we were.
After talking to Jason (who had been working nights), I took him to see the vet. You could hear audible crackles just listening to him breathe. My medical friends will understand that is bad. The decision was made. They give you the decision to say goodbye before they put your pet to sleep or you can stay with them during the procedure. It felt wrong to just hand him over because it might make it easier for me. He had been a loyal friend for 11 1/2 years, so I was sticking by him until the end.
Right before, he was really calm. He was happy to hang out in the top half of his carrier and give kiss after kiss while we chatted. I assured him that Lucy the cat would miss him terribly. I let him know that they boys would miss him and that we would be sure to talk about him. He got a promise that I would write a story to let the world (or whoever reads this) know what a wonderful dog he had been. And I apologized. I apologized for letting him be "just a dog" instead of beloved friend lately. I apologized for my impatience with him at times. And I thanked him. He had done his job of loyal friend and then some. He had been a wonderful companion to me, a first "baby" to Jason and me, and he was tolerant of the children even when they annoyed him to no end.
This is my all time favorite picture of Peanut. It was taken during our trip to the Petrified Forest while we lived in Mississippi. He was a smiling dog:
I saw this picture after I got home yesterday. This was NOT the dog I left with yesterday. His little eyes were so full of life and energy in this picture. Yesterday, he just looked sick. And tired. Tired of feeling sick, tired of trying to hang on for us. It made me know, without a doubt, the right decision was made. The end was peaceful, and that was what I prayed for all along. Last night, there was no Peanut to let outside before bedtime. I keep looking for him to jump on the chairs during mealtime. The boys dropped a bite of sandwich at lunch, and I had to bite back a tear because there isn't a little dog to greedily eat the crumbs. Lucy has been oddly present in the past 24 hours. There is dog food in the laundry room from where it was placed yesterday morning. I couldn't bring his carrier home. I couldn't stand the thought of carrying it to my car empty, so I left it there. Jake wanted to know if Peanut took a plane to Heaven. Sure, buddy, that's how he got there. I hope that it's a lot of years before we see Peanut at the Rainbow Bridge, but no doubt he'll be waiting...
RIP, Peanut, until we see you again
I don't know that I've ever commented on this blog before, or really that anyone will care, but I suppose I need to do this just to have it done. I think I met Peanut before I ever met Akisha. I remember being much more impressed with my future wife than my future dog. He's so little, I thought. The last thing I wanted was a little yippy dog.
ReplyDeletePeanut was a good dog. I told him that the day he died. "You're a good dog, Peanut." I told him that over and over. I used to tell him "Protect the house. Take care of your Mama." every time I left the house. You'd never know it from looking at him, but I am positive he took my instructions seriously every time. He had a spotless record, too. The house was always protected and Mama was always safe every time I came home.
Akisha used to joke about how Peanut had become my dog at some point. I used to tell her that it was just because he recognized me as the pack leader (even if she didn't.) Peanut did what dogs are supposed to do. He loved us unconditionally, and he was always there when you needed him. He loved to snuggle, too. We spent plenty an afternoon on our old couch together. Eventually, we ended up sharing a side of the bed, too.
I miss Peanut. The day he died, I knew it was the right thing to do. In fact, medically, it took me about 2 minutes or less to come to that decision and know it was the right one. I think I spent more time convincing my wife that we needed to do something on that day than I did thinking about whether it needed to be done. Emotionally, I'm still getting used to the part where he's not here anymore. I've known he was dying for months now. It still just stinks to not have him around anymore. Akisha talked about seeing Peanut again in heaven. I really am excited about that. I'm especially excited about him getting along with the other dogs there. (He never did so great at that on Earth; he was always too scared.)
I have plenty of good memories of Peanut. He loved to ride in the car or truck, and it didn't make any difference if all you did was drive around the neighborhood. He used to be able to go get his toys from the other room when you'd call out the name of the toy. He mastered the sit up on your hind legs and beg maneuver. I'll never forget how excited he was when we discovered that the frozen yogurt store close to our house in Mississippi gave away dog treats at the drive-thru window. I think what I loved the most about him was that he always wanted to be around his people. Outside, inside, in bed, on the couch, in the forest, in a New Orleans hotel room, wherever, he just wanted to be where we were. He truly loved us. I miss you, buddy. You were a good dog, Peanut.