People In Action

This past week my Facebook feed has been flooded with news of the new law in New York which I'm sure many of you, including myself, have been sickened by reading. BUT, the answer isn't posting memes and every opinion you have on the subject. Most of those posting are Christians or at least identify with Christianity in some way. God calls His people to be His hands and feet and to be a people of action. 

So, what and where are our actions? Because if all you do is share post after post and meme after meme and you call yourself a Christian, you make all of us look terrible to the world. God calls Christians to stand apart from the world we live in so that He is visible to those who do not know Him. If all we do is pass judgment, post hateful things, and do NOTHING at all, we don't stand out as different from the world at all. Use the gifts God has given you to be a light in a dark world.

What does that look like in a practical sense? Well, first I think you must ask if you are pro-life or just anti-abortion because those two, while used together often, are not the same. Pro-life means to value ALL life: the life of the unborn, the life of the orphan, the life of the poor, the life of the refugee, the life of every, single breathing human on the Earth. Is that you? Or do you only take up this one form of life as worthy of saving and fighting for? 

What about all the kids whose moms chose life for them and somehow ended up losing custody? Let me assure you there are PAGES of eligible kids up for adoption right now just in the state of Georgia who need a home. You can trust me on this one. They aren't snuggly babies. Some are 18. Who is there for them when the system says they are released? Who shows them how to have relationships that are loving - relationships that are stable - when all they have known is turmoil and abuse? Who is there to judge them when they end up pregnant by the first man to pay them positive attention? Is it you? People have questioned our decision to adopt a teenager from the beginning. Is it hard? Yes. Harder than we thought? Yes. God has used this to stretch me in most uncomfortable ways, and it isn't always easy. Ephesians 4:1 urges believers to "walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called". We felt called to adopt, and I certainly don't always feel like I am doing justice to the Lord's call. But we said Yes. What do you say? You can surely say that now is not a good time, maybe when the kids get older, maybe when we are more stable, etc. That is easy enough to do, but God calls us to jump into the mess and trust Him. And trust me, it is messy, but I have seen God show up and do some big things in the past few years that I couldn't have seen unless we said Yes.

I know that everyone isn't called to adopt. How about foster? Goodness knows, there needs to be more loving, godly foster families to step up. Once again, not easy and definitely scary. To come alongside a family in a time of need and give love and a safe space to vulnerable children is one of the greatest ways to show God's love to someone that I can imagine. Not called to personally foster? Not everyone is, but maybe you could bring dinner to a friend who fosters, give donations of clothes or gift cards to get new clothes for kids who often show up with nothing, provide an evening of babysitting so those foster parents get a break. ALL of that would be much appreciated and a way to be people of action. 

If you are medically trained, how about using your talents to volunteer at clinics that provide women's healthcare - specifically those that serve abortion-vulnerable patients. Maybe get to know the person and the story behind the decisions that should break our hearts? I have seen hearts change simply by seeing that ultrasound and knowing that there are people who would support them and help them. We, as Christians, should be THOSE people. 

The point in all of this is that we are all capable of DOING something. That something doesn't have to impact the world - maybe our impact is meant for one person. And more often that not, that impact has a ripple effect which we may never see this side of heaven. Each week, as our service ends on Sunday, our pastor charges us to "Go and BE the church." Pray about how you can BE the church to someone in need. But...for the love, just stop with all the nastiness, all the meme posting, all the article sharing, all the generalizing and just go love some people. ALL THE PEOPLE...

Just My Two Cents

I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I absolutely love seeing pictures of everyone's kids and keeping in touch with people I maybe wouldn't otherwise. I see the joys and sorrows of many friends, and I can pray for those who are facing difficult times I might not have known about otherwise. Then, there is the other side that I absolutely loathe. I, for the life of me, don't understand why people feel the need to post about every, single controversy going on the world today.

For instance, right now - at least for the moment - it's a Nike ad. Want to know my two cents? Nike is a private company. They can have whoever they want on a campaign. You hate it? Don't buy Nike products. Do you need to burn your shoes in protest on camera? Sure, if you want to look like an immature asshat. Because aren't you protesting? And correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't you so upset about the person in the ad because he was protesting? And on the flip side, if you do something in a place of employment, and your boss tells you not to do it again and you do it and get fired. Guess what? That's how companies work. There is a boss for a reason, and you may not like them or their rules. However, in order to stay employed you have to follow the rules.

Do I really care about any of this? No. Am I so offended by a player taking a knee during the National Anthem? No. Personally, I will stand for the anthem. But, I was never offended by a man on the sidelines taking a knee. He defended why he did it, and he wasn't loud or disrespectful.  The problem I have comes with the bandwagon crowd who has no idea what the real issue is and takes a knee because they think it's cool.

I don't post every opinion I have online, and truthfully neither should you. Stay away from your phone or keyboard and actually take time to engage with people. Even (gasp) people who look different than you, think differently than you, have different life experiences. You see a pattern? Different. Not the same. Seek out those opportunities, and guess what? You may find more things in common than different. But I promise you this, spreading hateful memes, articles, posts on Facebook or other social media platforms is not the answer. Go find some kids that really need shoes and give those Nikes you are trashing to them. Do good. Be good. That is way more productive, I promise.

Fast Forwarded Faithfulness

It's been radio silence here for a hot minute. Okay, more than a hot minute. Since August to be exact. I have wanted to blog but haven't been able to put thoughts into a clear train of thought or honestly have been so tired at the end of the days that all I want to do is just be done with the day. Today, however I was struck over the head with my BSF lesson for the week, and I can't NOT blog right now. For anyone that doesn't know, BSF stands for Bible Study Fellowship. I was invited by a sweet, dear friend years ago. I put it off for a while and then figured "why not?" BSF is a super in depth study of a particular book of the Bible. It is a world wide study, and every class all over the world is doing the exact same thing. I had never really studied the Bible before, so I had no idea what I was getting into. I suddenly realized how little I knew, and I was in a place where that was okay. Fast forward 4.5 years and we are doing a study of the book of Romans. This is tough stuff, but SO, SO good.

This past weekend, we had our fourth annual girl's trip. It was a wonderful weekend away with a lot of girl talk, hot tubs, wine, and just hanging out with no kids. Glorious, I tell ya. I had done my BSF lesson before I left, and I reviewed it when I got home for the purpose of our leader's meeting. There was a question on the lesson this week that was easy to answer, but the more I thought about it the more I have REALLY thought about it. I keep thinking about it, and I figure now is as good a time as any to update all 10 of you who read this (haha) on what has been going on with us.

The question was, "Trace God's wise ways in one area of your life." Well, I wrote down adoption and a few bullet points. Then, I really started to think. God is so faithful, and He is so much wiser than I can ever imagine. Some of what has happened in the course of all this hasn't made sense at the time, and some things have stung my pride a little, but I am beginning to get a glimpse of the bigger picture, and Whoa....Let's start nearer to the beginning.

We had tossed around the idea of adoption for a while. One of us would bring it up, and the other one wouldn't really want to talk about it further or so it seemed. We had also talked about how the older kids broke our hearts. If you don't think so, just visit the It's Our Turn Now website. Pages upon pages of kids, most of whom are older and will probably age out of the system before they ever find a family. Then, we both agreed it was time to get cracking on the process of starting the process. Trust me when I tell you there are processes for processes when it comes to adoption. Anxiety and fear crept in, and I told the hubs that I just couldn't think about older kids anymore. They came with too much "stuff", too much "history", etc. It was really all about me and my fears and had nothing at all to do with the actual child we hoped to make a member of our family. I prayed long and hard after this, and I was reminded of another year at BSF when we did the life of Moses. My big take away for that year was that God equips those He calls. I mean, if God only called those the world saw as ready to do the tasks at hand, there would be no room for anyone to actually give God the glory He deserves. With that reminder came a peace that it was all going to be okay, and I logged back into that darn website and looked at page after page of orphans. My heart broke all over again for those kids that might just age out without knowing what a family looks like. I called the husband and told him I was back in the game, big kids included. So we began the process.

God, in his faithfulness, saw that we were placed in the same group as another couple who had little kids who also wanted to adopt an older child. They have been one step ahead of us through the process, and I am so thankful I have had them as a sounding board at times to relay fears and frustrations and get back great, godly advice in return.

You think you are prepared to read the histories of the children they think you will match with  for adoption. Nothing prepares you to read, in graphic detail, the horrible things that some of these kids have dealt with. At forty years old, I haven't even come close to seeing, feeling, experiencing what some of these kids have been through before their 13th birthdays. It can make the frustrations you feel toward disobedient little people evaporate pretty quickly, I'll tell you.

We went to an adoption mixer, and that was all kinds of awkward. The kids know they are there to meet potential families that want to adopt them, and we felt like we were shopping for a kid. It was weird and exciting all at the same time. What if our future son/daughter was there? What happened at the end was that we met a lovely 17 year old African American girl that we had heard about in our first training. She was quiet, with a shy smile but with soft-spoken wisdom in her that can only come about with a life of hard knocks. Honestly, she was so quiet that I didn't think too much about it until a few days after the mixer when her case worker called to say she was interested in getting to know us more. I was shocked and excited, and after some meetings and phone calls we all agreed that she would spend her winter break here with us. What ensued was a pretty uncomfortable week. I think she knew pretty quickly that our family wasn't what she wanted. She was super sweet with the boys but I just think she knew that for her it didn't feel right. I hate any kind of awkwardness, and in my attempt to make it less awkward only made it more awkward. On Friday morning, she and I were home alone and after attempting to engage her in conversations and an outing I phoned a friend. A fellow leader from BSF, another adoptive parent, a parent of teenagers and pleaded for advice. She told me to just go talk to her and share my heart. After saying some quick prayers I headed up the stairs. What I thought was going to be a very weird conversation turned into something that really lightened the weight of day for both of us. I just told her that this choice had to be something that we both were happy with in the end, and that if she didn't choose us that it was perfectly okay. We weren't going anywhere. If she ended up in Savannah for college, we were more than happy to see her, take her to dinner, have her over, hang out, etc, etc. If she decided she didn't want to be part of our family that didn't mean we had to disappear from her life - unless she wanted us to do so, and if she did that was okay, too. I took her back on Saturday, and then I received a call the next week that she didn't want to be adopted anymore by anyone. It stung a little. Did she not see how cool we are (insert sarcasm here)? But once again, God is faithful. After a lot of moving around at our agency, her case worker is now working our current case. She said that R has started college, is doing well, and she asked how we were doing the other day. The case worker asked if it was okay to give my number to her since she had gotten a new phone and had lost ours. If she so desires, I am more than happy to keep my word to be here for her if she needs us. God is good.

Again, we had to enter the search for "our kid". A teenage girl caught our attention, and I made a call to our caseworker who informed us that she already had pulled her file for another family. Sure enough, this girl had already been scoped out by the other family we went through training with upon entering the "process". Once again, God is wiser than me. Surprise, surprise. I am so thankful He didn't give me what I thought I might want because this sweet girl was exactly what the other family needed to make their family complete.

Once again we received call after call about kids. It was very apparent upon hearing about them or reading their histories that it would not be a wise move to take the next step. Then, we were approached about a teenage girl who sounded great at first. Then, we learned more things, and those things were more concerning but not things we felt like we could just give an automatic "no". Jason and I prayed together for the first time I can remember and asked for there to be a CLEAR answer to whether or not to move forward. And God, once again being faithful and wise, VERY clearly answered that question, and back to the search we went.

But....not for long. About a week after that door was shut we got a call. Our caseworker called to ask if we might be interested in a 13 year old boy with no behavior issues. My answer was a quick yes. Not even 5 minutes later she called back and said that he was 13, had no behavior issues, would love to have siblings and a dad that would play baseball with him, and that he wanted a Christian family. I got chills. Within 30 minutes, his caseworker called me to tell me more. We got to meet him when we evacuated for Hurricane Irma. He moved in December 22nd. As I type this, I am currently waiting on him to get home from church where he played with the youth praise band for the first time. God is good, and SO, SO much wiser than I am.

I'm not going to lie. The transition hasn't been easy, and it has been no fault of the now 14 year old living in my house. It has been about me, my heart, my stubbornness, and my need to have control and order of all things around me. There have been many times I have questioned the wisdom of our decision, and today and this week's lesson just reminds me that my wisdom and God's wisdom don't look the same. And God, being the One with the perfect track record and all....well, let's just say I'll trust Him. At a low point, I called on that friend who now has a 17 year old daughter, and she gave me the best advice I have received yet. She told me that she had to grieve what her family used to be so that she could accept what it is now. That may sound harsh to those who have never been down this path, but those words will stick with me forever and have helped me so, so much. God, once again in His ever flowing faithfulness, put me with a group of ladies in BSF this year who would be such a source of strength. I have adoptive mamas and foster mamas I have called and gotten such wisdom and prayer, and God knew I would need those ladies at a time such as this.

As I said earlier, I have thought A LOT about this the past two days and if you are still hanging in there, thank you for letting me share my heart.

Our BSF leader said today, "We don't have to understand everything to praise the One who does." Amen and amen. Ain't that the truth.

School Prep - AKA Freezer Meals

School starts Wednesday for my older two, and I'm trying to prepare some meals for the freezer for at least a few meals. I haven't done many freezer meals for us lately, but I have made a bunch for a ministry I have served with for years. The ones I did today are all easy ones that I could throw together quickly, use rotisserie chicken, divide into 2 dishes, and ones I know the kids will eat. They also all involve cheese. I also assembled tonight's dinner to throw into the oven quickly, and I think that one will freeze well, too, with the subtraction of the topping. I'll post that one, too. Here's what I made:

Chicken Parmesan Casserole - Before I cooked noodles to go with it after I thawed and reheated. Today, I cooked 16 oz of rotini noodles and tossed them in sauce and put them in the bottom of the dish, layering the rest of the stuff on top.

Chicken and Black Bean Enchiladas - This isn't really a "recipe". I threw together shredded rotisserie chicken, taco seasoning, black beans, salsa, and a little cheese. I wrapped up the mixture in tortillas, and I topped with enchilada sauce and cheese.

Baked Spaghetti

Swiss Chicken - To make this one freezer friendly, you just leave off the StoveTop and butter and add those before baking. Make some rice to go with it before serving.

Those were all the freezer meals for today, but I made Pot Roast Enchiladas for tonight. The kids love this one, and it sounds weird but it's good.
Pot Roast Enchiladas
To make it freezer friendly, I would probably freeze after assembling the tortillas, and add the cheese and sour cream before baking. The cheese would freeze fine, but I'm not sure about the sour cream.

Whole 30 Day 3

By day 3, you should be really feeling the sugar withdrawls and by day 4 you enter a stage called "Kill All the Things". Well, I think I've prematurely entered that one. I could injure someone right about now. Of the 3 other friends who started the same day, I have gotten texts or calls about dreaming of cookies, wanting to hurt the children, and a general lack of willpower. While I am clearly not alone, I want to go bathe in a pint of Talenti gelato. This isn't like I'm cutting out sugar and can still have honey or something like that. Aside from fruit - which is starting to taste like candy - I can't have any sugar, natural or not. You don't think it would be that bad? Try it - I dare ya.

The food hasn't been an issue. Unlike many others, I don't hate my coffee. Is it my creamy, sweet heavenly concoction of last week? Well, no. Duh. But, it is drinkable. I've had some minor headaches but nothing a little Tylenol can't help. My meals have been good. Because I have planned ahead, I haven't had to scramble yet to find something to eat. I did have to apologize to the hubs last night because I almost lost it when I found him eating my carnita meat which was supposed to be lunch today. I had enough for my lunch, and alas his life was spared. BUT, I am exhausted. I was in bed at 7:50 last night, and I was asleep by 8:20 because after the boys went to bed I was done. DONE. This isn't supposed to be bad until day 6 or 7. I can't WAIT to see what I'll feel like then.  

I made breakfast for dinner for my family tonight: bacon (can't have that kind), cheese eggs (ah, cheese I miss you), biscuits with apple butter (don't even get me started), and fruit (I did pop a few grapes). I got a little angry whipping those eggs, and I threw in enough cheese that no one might poop for a few days after eating those eggs. With that being said, my dinner was good, great even. I had seconds of my stir fry and cauliflower fried rice. I've downed about 100 ounces of water each day. I got up this morning and noticed there was absolutely no bloat in my belly. It was flat. So there's that. 

Melissa Hartwig, Whole 30 guru and founder, says this: "Day 4 dawns and you tentatively step out of bed, expecting to feel like you took a headshot  from Thor's hammer: Instead,, your brain is surprisingly clear. Your limbs feel functional. This could be a great day! You walk into the kitchen and upon being greeted by the smiling face of your significant other, you are suddenly overcome with the desire to punch them in the face for being so darn cheerful this early in the morning. Congratulations! You made it to Day 4."

I. Cannot. Wait. If I feel like this at the end of day 3, day 4 should be a real treat for all. Pray for the children, y'all...

Whole 30: Day 1

So, some of you know that I decided to do a Whole 30 starting today. It is an elimination diet meant to reset the gut. Rules are strict. Breaking a rule gets you voted off the island and back to Day 1. Ain't nobody got time for that. But, for those that complete the 30 days, you are supposed to feel AMAZING. I've had enough friends that have done it and swear they feel so good that I decided it was worth a try.

For the next 30 days, I've agreed to:

• No alcohol - The children may suffer for this one
• No sugar - Of any kind, no fake sugar, no honey, etc.
• No legumes - I do like beans, so this one made me a little sad. Sugar snap peas and green beans are allowed.
• No dairy - Insert sad face. Oh, cheese, I will miss you...My coffee is sad already.
• No grains
• No MSG, sulfites, and a bunch of other bad preservatives
• Not to get on the scale after today. This shouldn't be that hard since every time I've gotten on there recently I have wanted to hurl myself off the bridge.
• EAT REAL FOOD

According to the book, Day 1 is either "I've got this" or "What did I do?" day. Right now, I am in the "I've got this" mode. I made a menu for the week, I prepped, shopped, and prepared ahead. I have enjoyed all my food today, and I have not been hungry one single time. Breakfast consisted of an egg bake with eggs (duh), chicken apple sausage, onions, mushrooms, red pepper, and spinach. I will admit I thought it would taste really good with some feta cheese, but alas I cannot. Hiss, boo... My coffee was a sad affair with coconut cream and cinnamon, but it wasn't awful. Lunch was a Mexican tuna salad made with an avocado, cilantro, jalapeno, lime juice, and spices served with celery, peppers, and a cilantro lime mayo that I made (yes, be proud of me). Dinner was a sweet potato stuffed with carnita meat (yum), guacamole, salsa, cilantro lime mayo and a salad with a splash of Tessamae's black pepper dressing mixed with some champagne  citrus vinegar (that is fine). It was all delicious.

By Day 3, I'm supposed to start really feeling the sugar withdrawls, so talk to me then about how much I'm loving what I'm eating. Haha. I'll check back in every now and then with updates on how this craziness is going.

Learning to Wait the Right Way

I guess some may disagree with me and my version of "right" after reading this post, but truth be told I wasn't really asking for approval. So there. Now that we've got that out of the way, I will explain.

I have always been a worrier. Ever since I can remember. I worried about where my little brother, Jason, was at all times. I remember not wanting him out of my sight for fear that something bad would happen to him because you know my almost 3 year older self could protect him from all bad the world could bring. I remember worrying about the weather because every dark cloud would surely turn into a tornado the likes that would scare Dorothy right on to Oz. I worried over grades, then boys, then pretty much everything I could find. I wasn't patient about waiting - it was merely one more thing to worry about at the end of the day.

I met a boy who was more than perfect for me. He was all the things I had ever wanted in a boy/man, and I worried that I would find the "fatal flaw." Or that he would find that flaw in me. Then, we married and moved away. I worried about jobs, making friends, anything... It was always in the waiting that made me the most worried. I'm a planner by nature, and I like to have the next step laid out. When I can't do that, I worry. And then came my own children. Well, worry became HUGE. What if they didn't hit said milestone on time? What if they didn't like school? Would they be nice to others? And that was just in the first 2 weeks of life - haha.

Thankfully, God brought us to Savannah. I got plugged in with a group of friends here that I will be forever thankful for meeting. Some of those friends introduced me to BSF where I really got to know Jesus. The Bible tells us in Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ." The Bible also tells us to bring our burdens to Jesus and He will give us rest, and it reminds us to cast our anxiety onto the Lord because He cares for us.

When we first decided to venture down this path to adoption, I was worried and anxious about all aspects of this process, but I was was also confident we were being called to follow through. Somewhere along the way, I gave up the anxiety that would have consumed me before. I have asked for clarity and wisdom in decision making through this process. I have asked for red flags to be presented to avoid getting ahead of God, and boy have those shown up a few times. When I have been a little overwhelmed, I have gotten a dose of assurance that we will be okay. Instead of being worried, I've been able to rest in God's grace. I'm learning to wait the right way. What I've seen in the last year is that any time I jump ahead and try to forge my own way, I stress myself out and worry. When I prayerfully let God lead, I can rest comfortably in knowing that He is guiding our steps. I fail. He will not.

We attended an adoption mixer about one month ago. One young lady that was coming was a girl we had heard about at our first training. I saw Jason (husband, not brother) talking to her, and I walked over to say hello. I was quickly called away because it was my turn to bowl again. I found her again later and chatted for a while, talked to her case worker, and honestly was sure that we had only annoyed her. I got a call on Monday after the Saturday mixer that she thought we were really nice. Imagine that! We had dinner with her last week, and this week we will meet with DFACS to ask any additional questions. After that step, we will be allowed to begin visits. Hopefully, this Saturday will be the first visit to our home!

Many of you guys have asked where we were in the process, and honestly we have been waiting. Waiting on paperwork, waiting on meeting kids, waiting to read the child life history that didn't scare our socks off - just waiting. But instead of waiting anxiously or worriedly, I can now wait confidently knowing that God wouldn't bring us this far to desert us. He is with us the waiting, ready to calm our fears, allowing us to trust in His goodness, and take our burdens. Hopefully, soon we will have great news. But until then, we trust that His plans are good ones, even if we don't know how they turn out just yet. Thanks for all the prayers - keep 'em coming.